One of my early readers of Happy School asked me about the emotion of grief as she had recently lost a dear, older relative. Another reader in a different group lost her baby girl when the infant was 3 months old. Many of us have experienced heart-wrenching grief. Grief is an important human emotion and is a healthy response to loss.

So how are we to think about grief? Is there a difference between healthy grief and unhealthy grief?

When I was 11, my grandfather died at only 62. My grandmother (not a believer) had so much grief that she did not laugh for 10 years. I’m not kidding, 10 years. I remember where I was the day I heard her laugh again.

Eventually (I’m not giving specific timelines here) there comes a time when we have to say that life is for the living and therefore, we have to put our grief in a box on a shelf in heaven, where “He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep” (Psalm 121:4). It doesn’t mean we don’t love the person or that their memory is no longer important. We are not dishonoring our loved one by trying to move on. But eventually we must re-enter life, and we can do so by Moving into Another Room in Our Brain when our grief plagues us for too long.

If you are experiencing grief, take time to heal. But know too that the principles in Happy School can prevent unhealthy, prolonged grieving. Paul wrote to the Thessalonians, “But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

Paul was telling the Thessalonians to think differently. He didn’t want them to sorrow excessively like those who have no hope. Christians are to bathe their mind with the fact/thought that Jesus has conquered death. We can think correctly instead of spiraling down into inescapable sorrow.

Some of you have had miscarriages and are still grieving. Of course, one should grieve after such a loss. But bathe your mind with the glorious hope and comfort Paul wrote about to the Corinthian church around A.D. 55, “Where, O Death, is your victory? Where is your sting?” (1 Cor. 15:55). You will see your baby again.

Here is a beautiful, moving poem I once heard at a funeral called We Remember Them by Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer. It was written about a beloved parent.

At the rising sun and at its going down;
We remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter;
We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring;
We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer;
We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of the autumn;
We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends;
We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as
We remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength;
We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart;
We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make;
We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share;
We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs;
We remember them.
For as long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us as
We remember them.

I extend sincere sympathy to you if you are grieving. I hope you will find comfort and direction as you allow the Lord to heal you.

You want to honor the one you’ve lost with your grief. However, at some point, they probably want you to quarantine your grief and get on with your life. I’m not telling you when. But maybe God is whispering that it’s time to get back to the land of the living. If not now, then maybe soon.

This is from Lesson 2, Day 5 in Happy School Advanced, the companion study course for Happy School, Where Women Learn the Secrets to Overcome Discouragement and Worry. You can read the lessons already sent out on my website, JulieNGordon.com. In addition, you can sign up on my website to receive the rest of the lessons in your inbox.

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Sign up to receive 12 weeks of free Happy School Advanced lessons to supplement the book, Happy School. (Group discussion questions are included so text a few friends to join you.) The class started September 8 but you can catch up on Lessons 1 & 2 on my website.