Here is Lesson 1, Section 1 from Wife School Online. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like to enroll in this free 22-week course. It starts June 26, 2014.
On page eight in the first chapter, Jessica says, “I only want a few things from this short time on Earth and one of them is a soul-mate marriage.” That’s true for you, too, isn’t it? It certainly is true of me.
Would you like to hear what a man, still captured by his wife’s love, once said to her? In this very old love story, the husband is talking to his wife during their later years. He says to her, “Many (wives) have done nobly, but you excel them all.” Do you know what that is equal to in today’s language? That’s like your husband saying to you, “There are a lot of awesome women out there, Honey, but you are the best of the best.” Can you imagine your husband being so taken with you that although he acknowledges there are many fabulous wives, YOU win the contest, YOU win first prize?
Now I didn’t make up this example. This comes right out of Scripture, Proverbs 31. This isn’t some made-for-TV script to stir you up. This is the Word of God. God knows we women long for our husbands to adore us and He gives us the secrets.
This carrot in Scripture is not dangled out there so we can be frustrated. God left that sentence in Proverbs 31 to show us that marriage doesn’t have to unzip. Marriage can be incredible in your younger and in your later years. (I LOVE marriage!)
But marriage is not about what you read in the magazines at the check-out lane in the grocery store. We will learn the skills and thoughts needed for a soul-stirring marriage. You will be a Marriage Champion when this course is over!
I’m so glad God didn’t leave us in the dark as far as how to be an incredible wife. The Scripture pours out information on how to excel at this art. It loudly and clearly tells us what to do and how to think. We have access to the mind of God about being a wife! So we don’t have to “hope” we get this right. We can get it right! We have the key to the Treasure Room with all the gems and jewels of knowledge and wisdom, the Bible!
A wise wife looks at what she is giving, not at what she is getting. A wise wife looks at how she is loving others, not at how she is being loved. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5 agrees with this statement: Love is “not self-seeking”.) We women must look at the Biblical standard of being a wife, not the culture’s.
Another idea that I want to address is the tendency of women to think “something is wrong with my marriage” because it is not naturally and easily a soul-mate marriage. Friends, the norm is that marriage has tension! The norm! You must learn to be a wise wife and soothe the ruffled feathers of your marriage. You are the relational one (well, 80% of you, which we will discuss in another lesson). So take the time and energy to truly learn the art and skills of being an incredible wife. I’ve said before you have to study algebra to master it. And you take tennis lessons to get your backhand just right. But most women never invest the time to truly learn what men want and need in a marriage. So even if you are greatly disappointed with your marriage at this moment, try to put that disappointment on a shelf and give yourself to learning these principles. Marriage is a course to be learned and mastered, and that is what you are now doing.
One important word of caution: A farmer sows the seed in the spring. Then all summer, in the blazing heat, he waters and weeds and fertilizes. Months pass and there is no fruit. He sows the seed but doesn’t expect to reap until fall, right? Please put on this mindset. As you learn to love your husband in a language he can hear, the soil of his heart is being plowed. But it may take weeks or even months for him to respond. You are on the fifty year plan. Many women who were disappointed (or even disgusted with their marriages) now have marriages overflowing with affection, friendship, and closeness. Lay down your expectations to have the marriage turn around quickly.
I detest exercise/weight loss programs that lie and say “Do this and in no time, you will be skinny and hard”. Ridiculous. It is weeks/months of eating clean and exercising. Please get a long-road perspective on your marriage. Your marriage can turn around, but you must persevere for the long haul. Are you in?
A study in a magazine recently polled men and found out what they think about 90% of the time. Here is the breakdown: 30% work, 30% money, and 30% sex. Where are relationships in that mixture? Again, they are not there! Women are the ones thinking about relationships! Your husband is not a woman. Do not beat him up because he is not geared to care about emotional intimacy. You have to meet his needs and get him to want to listen to you and want to hear what you want and need. Women beat men up all the time because men do not give them enough “relationship, care, and love”. The poor guy doesn’t even know what his wife is talking about. That’s not what HE wants. So let’s give hubby a pass while we learn to love him and meet his needs. In time, in time, in time, he will open to you. But not today. And not tomorrow.