Of course, the best way to learn anything is to see it modeled–or hear it taught–while you were a child. That’s the best way to learn what a good marriage looks like, seeing it in your parents. The best way to learn how to handle money wisely is to have your parents handle money well while you were a child. The best way to learn about the Lord is to see your parents follow Christ while you were young. And of course, the best way to learn how to eat correctly is to see it modeled when you were growing up.
But guess what? I’ve never ever met one person who had everything modeled perfectly for them as a child. Not one person. Maybe someone got several areas modeled correctly by their family of origin, but most likely, you were reared in a household where one or two things were correctly taught while many others were not.
However! No self-pity if you didn’t have things modeled or taught to you because you can learn all of these subjects. Every single one of them.
You do not have to keep the thinking that was programmed into you as a child. You can relearn how to manage money (thank you, Dave Ramsey), how to think correctly about marriage (lots of resources here but I hope you include Wife School), and of course (!) how to think right about healthy eating and skinniness (Skinny School).
After David and I finish writing Husband School, Where Men Learn the Secrets How to Cherish a Wife (hopefully it will be out by Christmas), I am going to write Happy School, Where Women Learn the Secrets How to Think about What is Missing and Disappointing. Did you know you can train yourself to focus on the abundance you have, instead of focusing on what is missing and disappointing all the time? Did you know you can get rid of depression and discouragement and actually be a very happy, grateful person, enjoying your days, even in the midst of much disappointment? It’s true; you can learn the secrets of thinking Philippians 4:8 thoughts.
After writing a book on happiness, I’m going to write a book on mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. I cannot believe the mistakes that mothers-in-law make on the front end of the relationship, causing a lifetime of resentment and hurt from their daughters-in-law. You have to learn how to think correctly about a new daughter-in-law. When women tell me their stories of what they say and how they treat their daughters-in-law, I am somewhat shocked. This is a subject you have to learn. It is not naturally programmed in you. The natural programming is to resent this girl who now has your son’s heart. But that is insane, treating the girl who now owns your son’s heart as a second class citizen…Instead, the wise thing to do is treat her like a queen (or better said, like a blood daughter!)
There is very little that you can’t learn. We have ridiculous limiting beliefs. We think we can’t change. That is poppycock. You just have to have someone teach you the correct thoughts about a subject and have a willingness to reprogram your mind.
The apostle Paul certainly understood this as he wrote in Romans 12 to renew your mind. We are to wash and re-wash our minds with the Scripture and this will reprogram us how to think correctly about God.
You can stay the way you are and suffer for it, or you can learn any subject you want. No more self-pity. No more whining. Just figure out what you need to know, then work to learn it.